But something wonderful started happening in the midst of all this. I began to see all the beauty around me in a wholly new way. The smallest things that I neglected before started to catch my eyes. I noticed how colorful and serene a sunset could be when you took time to enjoy it. Blades of grass cascading along hillsides looked a brighter shade of green. A small child' s laughter became an instant remedy for a bad day.
Miraculously, I woke up from surgery grateful to be alive and well. Words cannot describe the happiness I felt at that special moment—to be given a second chance. My recovery was a long process as I learned to walk again and so simple tasks. I remember when I went home and studied my bald head for the first time. It shouldn' t have surprised me, but it did！ Ironically, a month before I knew I had a tumor, I cut my long hair short and donated it to the American Cancer Society. I discovered there is a huge difference between short and bald！
Life can sure throw a good curve ball when you least expect it. Yet I have had this new start, and I am enjoying every minute of it. I used to hear people say you should dream the unimaginable, and I always preferred to plan instead. Now, dreaming big and following my heart' s desire without knowing how it will end up is the only thing I have time to do.
即使在我一个梦想都没有的时候，我一直都有计划。读大学期间，我学会了做人要有责任感，做事要讲究条理，要树立切实可行的目标。然而，所有的事情都发生了变化。去年，大学毕业的前一周是我终生难忘的日子。大学毕业的前几天，我在离家很远的地方被诊断患有脑瘤。我陷入了绝望之中，独自从医院里跑了出来，泪水止不住地掉下来，我不知道将来的生活会是什么样子。生活在瞬间变得无法预测，我感到茫然。尽管在好友的安慰下痛苦缓解了许多，我却无法在他们面前掩饰自己对死亡的恐惧。尽管烦乱至极，我还是完成了考试。
我开始变得与其他人不同。我的朋友们正忙着毕业、庆祝，急切地掀开新的生活篇章，我却无法加入他们，不能与他们一起庆祝。我发现观察身边的人对我生病消息的反应非常有趣：一些人因为不知道跟我说些什么而远离我；一些人的反应富于戏剧性；还有一些人的反应很合情合理，我面对这些人时备感舒服。
几天之内，我收拾好了学校里的所有行李，回家与家人一起面对这突如其来的不幸。到家后，我马上去找高中时最好的朋友——高三那年她患了癌症。我知道，她能够带给我与疾病作战的勇气，因为四年前，我亲眼目睹她勇敢地克服了诸多磨难。
在切除肿瘤手术的日子来临的那段时间，剧烈的病痛折磨着我。我一边想随它去，一边又感到极度烦乱，建立起来的精神支柱濒临崩溃的边缘。身边的其他人都健健康康地活着，我却要遭受病痛的折磨，这让我变得非常愤画。我骗常问自己：为什么会是我？
就在这个时候，一些令人惊奇的事情发生了，我开始以全新的眼光看待周围所有美好的事物。我开始关注那些极其微小的事情，曾骗，我忽略了它们的存在。我注意到，当花一点儿时间去享受落日时，你就会发现那是多么缤纷和平静；从山坡上生长的小草飘落下来的绿色叶片，看起来是那么鲜亮；只要听听小孩子的笑声，我在一天中所受到的煎熬马上就会消失得无影无踪。
我从手术中醒来后，感激自己健康地活了下来，这真是不可思议。我获得了第二次生命，那一刻我的心中充满了难以言表的幸福感。我要重新学习走路，做一些简单的事情，所以身体完全恢复是一个很长的过程。记得在回到家里之后，我第一次仔细地看自己光秃秃的脑袋，我本不该如此，但我的确感到惊讶。具有讽刺意味的是，在我得知自己患有脑瘤这件事情的一个月之前，我把头发剪短，并将长头发捐赠给了美国癌症学会。我发现，短发和没有头发简直有着天壤之别！
生活会在你意想不到的时候捉弄你一下，这是必然的。既然我有了这个新的开始，我就要珍惜生命的每一分钟。以前，我常常听别人说，你不要梦想那些不可能的事情，我也总是喜欢按部就班。现在，心怀梦想，跟着内心的渴望向前走，而不必考虑结果如何，成了我剩余的时间要做的唯一的事。
戏剧即生活
Walks in the Theatre World
苏珊娜·施奈德 / Suannen Schneider
Seventeen years ago there were thirty of us, all aged around 20, and dreaming of a really great career in the theatre. We had good reason for dreaming. After all we had been chosen from hundreds of candidates and accepted for the Salzburg Mozarteum' s three drama classes. That meant something, so we felt talented and important.
We probably all were talented, to a greater or lesser degree, and inexperienced too—in love with acting and convinced that our ability would bring us to the great theatres of this world. We wanted to serve great art, and great art deserved us. That is how we thought then.
Everyday reality looked rather different. The first lesson we had to learn was that drama students kiss and hug always and everywhere. The great figures showed us how. We fell in love with all and sundry, and smoked whatever was offered to us. A year later, when new pupils turned up, we proudly presented ourselves as advanced drama students.
Instead of declaiming Schiller and Shakespeare on stage we first had to learn our craft. Fencing, tap-dancing, singing. Throwing and catching imaginary balls. Recognizing, with closed eyes, fellow students by their hands. What all that had to do with great art only became apparent to us very slowly. We wanted to be on stage. When we were at long, long last allowed to walk the boards, we quickly understood that a dark stage could be the loneliest place in the world.
It is not at all easy for outsiders to comprehend what is supposedly so difficult about learning a few sentences by heart and then presenting them. Of course there is stage fright, but what else? The most complex thing of all is simply walking across the stage. One never quite gets that right. A person crossing a stage is not simply someone walking, but a person acting a part. But what part? That is the problem.
The initial euphoria soon gave way to sobriety. Anyone honest with him—or herself could already ascertain whether he merely believed in the immensity of his talent or whether he really possessed it. It was not difficult to see in oneself and in others who was burning with passion for acting and who only had a flickering talent—because for three years one was preoccupied with nothing but oneself, with one' s feelings, voice, body, and the inner barriers which some could surmount and others not. But it was easy to deceive oneself to begin with since for a while passion can be a good substitute for lack of talent.
What has become of us—thirty dreams and seventeen years later? A long story, above all. No, thirty stories. Some of us are well-known, almost famous. Andrea and April for instance. One has played in a TV opera for years, and the other is the only woman in the actors' team in Saturday' s quiz show. Some of us have vanished, like Mafia and Mathias. Mafia, who could dance and play the piano so beautifully, simply didn' t return after the vacation in the first year. Mathias, now running a sound studio in Vienna, finally realized that"my ambitions were perhaps a little excessive." By saying this, he preserved himself from a life—lie with which too many bad actors console themselves: that they are unlucky to be unrecognized, and that if the right director turned up, their immense talent would be appreciated.
